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 Going ‘raw’ is anyone’s prerogative – just be prepared to accept the consequences, writes Peter Cross.
So you think you’re ready to bareback?
You’ve selected your partner. You’ve both had an informed, in-depth discussion. You’ve known each other for a couple of months. You trust each other. But just to be sure you both decide that maybe it’s best to have blood tests. Then there are no doubts.
The commitment’s been made. The rules have been set and agreed on; no casual, unprotected sex with strangers, in fact no sex with anyone else at all. You have known each other for a while; you both look good and lead healthy lives – gym three times a week, the right foods, don’t drink to excess, every night, and do party drugs only on special occasions.
It’s exciting. You’ve heard from friends that natural sex is so much better than having that thin layer of latex limiting your pleasure.
So you wait. You don’t go out unless it’s together. You sit at home and watch old episodes of Will and Grace on Foxtel, counting the days until the results are in.
Finally the big day is here. You’re a little nervous, who wouldn’t be, but you know you’ve been safe. Sitting in the waiting room you wait – he’s running a little late and there’s a gaunt man with shaking hands and strawberry blotches on the side of his neck and sallow cheeks. You wonder what’s wrong with him. Then you are called by your Doc, you follow him down the corridor to his rooms, you sit side-by-side, both waiting while he sorts through his papers, and then the news.
You knew it would be fine, you’re both negative. The much-planned and longed-for event can go ahead.
You set the date. Saturday this week – there’s a foam party on. Dinner first, then a few drinks at the pub, maybe a line of coke, possibly an E just to make it all that more exciting.
You’re at ARQ, its late, the music is pumping, surrounded by men all without shirts, bodies toned and rippled with muscle. It’s everything you knew it would be. You see yourself reflected in the eyes of the other dancers. You’ve never looked better. So many sexy guys, sweating, bodies all moving as one. You look at your partner. Tonight’s the night, you’re both ready.
Filled with the excitement of what’s to come, you both head back to your apartment and stumble into bed. Pretty soon you are as intimate with a man as you’ve ever been
So now you’re really ready to bareback.
Twenty minutes later it’s worth it. All that discipline, being so careful. Never has it felt like this before. It’s amazing or is it the booze or is it the E or maybe the coke? Doesn’t matter, it’s awesome.
A couple of weeks later the memory is beginning to fade. You don’t see much of him anymore, you’ve both moved on. You’re feeling a little run down, maybe the start of a cold, could be a seasonal flu. It’s normal – you’ve been hitting it pretty hard for the last few weeks. Better get a vitamin shot from the Doc. But while you’re there, you might as well get the bloods done.
The shot worked, you’re feeling much better and you almost forget that you have that appointment to get the results.
Unexpectedly, surprisingly, you’re positive. How could it happen? You only ever had unsafe sex with him, you were both negative, it said so on the results. You had sat in this very room, together, when the tests were read back to you. You had rules, commitments were made.
So you were ready to bareback but it seems he wasn’t. While you were watching Karen and Jack he was out at a private party and met a guy. They only screwed for a second and it was such a small cut on the head of his cock that unless he had looked really close he would never have noticed it. They took turns, versatility was the key. Neither of them came in the other, well not much anyway. It was quick, over fast, nothing to worry about. So it was ‘safe’.
So you’re ready to bareback. Good for you and good luck to you. Go for it. But if it goes wrong YOU take responsibility for what happens. You can’t blame your partner, you made the decision. It was your choice and you need to own it.
Ask yourself this: is it worth it? Is it worth a lifetime, no matter how long or short, of taking pills, every night, of worrying about every symptom, every sneeze, every sweat and every ache? Are you ready for a trip to the doctors every three months to have blood taken, worrying about T-cells and viral load, one should be high the other should be low. What about treatment failure? Is it worth worrying every time you lose weight? Is it worth it?
Across Australia the rate of new HIV infections is increasing, even allowing for the small reduction in NSW. Syphilis and gonorrhoea are back. The time when a man is most infectious is when he is seroconverting.
So you still think you want to bareback?
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Deal or no deal
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