I have a confession to make. I have a public toilet phobia.
I think my fear stems from an incident back in my early teens, when I stopped off for a toilet break while out shopping one day with the folks. While quite innocently surveying some beat literature left by horny regulars, I came across a hole in the wall. On closer inspection, I soon discovered the all too eager eyes of my cubicle neighbour leering in at me – and I was terrified. I’ll never forget those beady, little eyes.
Making a quick exit, I relayed my trauma to Ma, who was waiting outside – and she was furious. Not only was she enraged, but after waiting for him to surface she marched through the mall in hot pursuit, shouting “somebody stop that pervert!”. My Mother’s dramatics aside, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the guy as he scurried from the scene, though any parent’s concern under such circumstances is understandable.
Fast forward to Pitt Street Mall 2008, when I recently found myself hunting down the closest loos, making a beeline for the end cubicle – my phobia having somehow predisposed me to some sort of urination anxiety. Very Nanna of me, I know. Any-who, attempting another swift exit, I was confronted by a not altogether unattractive lad giving me that look. I looked away politely, washed my hands and left post-haste.
So when hearing news recently that Amsterdam had legalised beat sex in Vondelpark, I guess you’d say I was in two minds. As you may know, there are regulations to which the Dutch beat users must abide, such as “condoms must always be cleared away, it must never take place in the neighbourhood of children’s playgrounds and the sex must be restricted to the evening and night-time”. Oddly enough though, while toilet sex is permitted, it’s still unlawful to let the dog off the leash!
Call me naïve, but when researching this topic I was amazed to find entire websites devoted to beats – one can create a profile, post pics, even map out the journey. While it appears the majority of beats goers are ‘men of inconspicuous means’, I have openly gay friends who’ve fessed up to the occasional cottage outing, yet these aren’t people with limited sexual options – and while I don’t entirely get the turn on (bit too much like eighties porn for my liking), nor do I stand in judgement.
Nevertheless, when considering the risks: homophobic hate crimes, STDs, being arrested – I have to wonder if beats should be closed down? Or perhaps legalised and better regulated?
I doubt your average Aussie toileteer shares the liberal Dutch outlook – and I also tend to feel beat sex has the potential to feed into negative stereotypes of gay men. With so many legal, regulated sex venues available as safer discretionary alternatives, I can’t help but wonder if maybe it’s time we gave beats the flush.
I guess we know my Mum’s feelings on this one. Bless.
- Hard Driver
Am I being a bit of a Nanna? Have a beat story you’d care to share? If so, then get commenting below, or email Hard Driver:
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
I have a confession to make. I have a public toilet phobia.
Show/Hide comments
Show/Hide comment form
