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 Sydney’s drag-industry showcase, the DIVAs, is one night of the year when ostentation is not merely encouraged, it’s mandatory. So what better mode of transport than a Hummer limousine?
Seriously, the limo competition was almost as fierce as the unofficial costume showdown. However, it rapidly became clear that no one had a chance against our gleaming black monster. As the oversized vehicles converged at Randwick Racecourse, I marvelled at the cars that had been – unwisely, you might say – stretched to within an inch of their road-worthiness. A white stretch Ford Explorer, for example, would seem to suggest this trend has gone way too far. The Hummer limo, however, benefits from the fact that the original model is practically limo-size to begin with. The fact that this one seats 14 and includes a plasma TV (and DVD and fully equipped bar) feels incidental.
I must admit, I’ve watched a little slack-jawed as a Hummer limo cruised by. Who on earth would hire such a behemoth? Well, in this case, it was 10 over-excited DIVA attendees. Gliding up Flinders Street, this time on the fancy side of those darkened windows, it made perfect sense to be sipping champagne, bathed in the neon glow of the limo’s interiors, pummelled by the vibrations of the speakers as some anonymous house diva wailed over the sound system.
The looks on the faces of pedestrians and fellow motorists ranged from silent admiration to bare-faced contempt. Frankly, I think they were a little jealous. Honestly, the sense of luxury entitlement, combined with the knowledge that you’re safely ensconced in what amounts to a tank, provided a sense of self-satisfaction that I wasn’t expecting. It’s 11 metres of social one-upmanship.
Any thoughts of environmental unfriendliness dissolved as I accepted another glass of bubbly. “Why pamper life’s complexity?” asked Morrissey.
Indeed. However, there are certain things that gave me pause. Such as the sound system, which is controlled by a panel at the rear of the vehicle that looks like Homer Simpson’s work station; I was seriously concerned that pressing the wrong button would eject me through the roof. The pink and blue lighting, meanwhile, gave me flashbacks to Less Than Zero and all that grey leather upholstery was a little… grey. But feeling like a patron of a tacky LA nightclub is a measly price to pay for upstaging Sydney’s drag community.
As the delightful Wilma Fingerdou said of a rival, “Ignore her. She’s in a povo limo.”
www.hummerlimos.com.au
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