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Thursday, 17 July 2008 00:14 |
10 GAY WEDDING COMMANDMENTS
The lovely Reg found this last week, and I had good giggle so I thought I’d share it with you. The gays are an easy target, aren’t they?! Introducing the ‘10 Gay Wedding Commandments’ – labelled as such by yours truly.
1) On the day of a gay wedding, it’s bad luck for the two grooms to see each other at the gym.
2) Superstition suggests that, for good luck, the couple should have: something bold, something flirty, something trashy, something dirty.
3) It’s customary, at gay and lesbian nuptials, for the parents to have an open bar during the entire ceremony.
4) Gay wedding tradition dictates that both grooms refrain from eating any of the wedding cake because it’s all carbs and sugar.
5) It’s considered bad luck for either of the grooms to have dated the priest.
6) During the first dance, it’s considered unlucky to use glow sticks, flags, whistles or hand-held lasers.
7) For good luck at the marriage of drag queens, the bouquet is always thrown in the face of a hated rival.
8) The reception hall must have a disco ball and at least one go-go dancer.
9) The wedding singer is not allowed to play/sing ‘Let’s Hear It For the Boy’, ‘It’s Raining Men’, or ‘I Will Survive’. (I think this list should be extensively extended.)
10) The father of the Bottom has to pay for everything.
BRIDESMAID HELL
While we’re on the subject of weddings, a few of my close girlfriends have had the nebulous honour of being a bridesmaid recently. And I’m sorry, I have to say this, the dresses they were forced to wear (and BUY in some situations!) were atrocious!
Now I realise that this is a trend that regretfully extends to almost every wedding, but can someone please explain? If I’m ever a bride (one day…), I would want my bridesmaids to look as gorgeous as possible – instead of putting them in some unforgivable taffeta-satin shapeless sack (I can’t be seen to have ugly friends, at least not in public – just kidding!).
Perhaps this is a deliberate ploy to make the bride appear comparatively model-like, but I believe this ploy is wholly counter-productive because everyone is too consumed by morbid fascination (while trying very hard to keep down their mushroom vol au vents) at the sight of the bridesmaids to even notice the bride…
DIRTY, DIRTY PILGRIMS
Well, our fair city is well and truly under attack – by happy-clappy, morally-repugnant Catholic belligerents.
I’m usually quite a passive person, but the mere sight of these scoundrels makes me want to rip off those foul backpacks (pink, yellow and orange – together? Jesus Christ) and give them a good kick. As my colleague Adam Bub suggested, they look like a bunch of dumb turtles. It’s hard to refute that parallel really.
Now I’ve already made my opinions about the Pope, Catholicism and World Youth Day crystal clear on this page in the past few weeks, so I’m not going to get into it again.
But I wonder how many renegade pilgrims we’ll see stumbling out of ARQ at six in the morning, pink, yellow and orange backpacks in tow… If I wasn’t going to Adelaide this weekend, I might have tried to bed a pilgrim…
PS – this cheeky sticker found its way to my desk yesterday… It has a photo of a ferocious, roaring lion – and the caption is ‘SPONSER A LION FOR WORLD YOUTH DAY: 300,000 CATHOLICS, ONE STADIUM’… He he he!
CABERET DREAMING
As Joe.My.God reported, in what may be the best thing to happen to Gotham’s waning nightclub scene in many years, Mayor Bloomberg’s office has announced that he is looking into repealing New York City’s nightlife-stifling cabaret law.
That 82-year-old restriction prevents three or more people from dancing in a bar or restaurant unless that establishment has a city-issued cabaret license, a treasured little document only held by 181 businesses in this city of eight million!
During Rudy Giuliani’s ‘quality of life’ crackdown in the late ‘90s, police regularly fined or closed businesses that allowed dancing but did not have a cabaret license. Just last year a court upheld the city’s right to issue and enforce the licenses. Such enforcements have been a convenience afforded the NYPD to close down ‘troublesome’ nightclubs at their whim.
As NYC’s fringe neighborhoods continue to gentrify and luxurify at a dizzying pace, the nouveaux riche of Manhattan have complained loudly and often effectively about the nightclubs in the nightclub districts they have moved into. You don’t move next to the airport and then complain about planes, but apparently it’s totally reasonable to buy a zillion dollar loft across from a decade-old disco and complain about music.
I second Joe’s sentiments completely – cheers to Bloomberg for at least floating this idea. Let’s hope he succeeds.
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