THE NAME GAME

And you thought drag names were bad… This story in The Sydney Morning Herald, headed ‘Talula Does The Hula a no-no name: judge’, had our entire editorial office in stitches of laughter.

According to a New Zealand judge, parents make fools of their children by giving them eccentric names. Family Court judge Rob Murfitt launched the attack after finding a girl had been named ‘Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii’. He ordered the girl, the subject of a custody battle, to be placed in court guardianship so her name could be changed.

A lawyer had reported the nine year old was so embarrassed about her name that she had not revealed it to her friends and was otherwise known as ‘K’.

Murfitt, who made written findings on the issue public, cited other names such as ‘Number 16 Bus Shelter’, ‘Violence’, and ‘Benson’ and ‘Hedges’ (for twins). “Recently, for the fist time in my experience as a Family Court judge, the name of a child described in text language as emerged,” he said. On that occasion the mother had named her daughter ‘O.crnia’, but was prepared to concede to a condition of a parenting order so it could be adjusted to ‘Oceania’.

However New Zealand authorities said some of the names said to have been given to their children had not officially been registered. “The names ‘Fish and Chips’, ‘Masport’, ‘Mower’, ‘Yeah Detroit’, ‘Stallion’, ‘Twisty Poi’, ‘Keenan Got Lucy’, and ‘Sex Fruit’ have not been registered,” Brian Clarke, Registrar General of Births, Deaths and Marriages, said in a statement.

He also asserted that names could be declined for registration if they cause offence to a reasonable person, were unreasonably long, or resembled an official title or rank. Names using numerals would also be declined. Well that’s a relief!

Lordy lord – this makes ‘Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily’, daughter of the late Michael Hutchence and Paula Yates, sound positively run of the mill! As a great online blogger quipped, ‘Remorse’ has a nice manly ring to it.

DRAG RACE

As reported in Dallas Voice, David Moore, co-owner of the Crews Inn, claims he can legally keep transgender people out of his gay bar on Fitzhugh Avenue in Dallas, Texas if their appearances don’t match their photo IDs.

Apparently fuelled by cheap drink prices and nearly-naked toned men dancing for tips, Tuesday night bar-hopping on Fitzhugh Avenue is becoming a staple in the Dallas LGBT community. So much so that locals have even given the event a nickname – ‘Trashy Tuesday’.

But Moore plans to remove the ‘T’ – for transgender, that is – from the clientele at the Crews Inn.    

“Drag queens act like they are divas and think they can do no wrong,” he said. “They have stolen money straight off the bar, hassled customers for drinks, and locked themselves in the bathroom with a bunch of guys. And with Tuesday being our busiest night, there is just no way for me to keep the drag queens under control then. I don’t want drag queens in here that are going to misbehave.”    

Gee – doesn’t sound like drag queen behaviour at all…

DRAG QUEEN AFFIRMATIONS

Daily drag queen affirmations will remind you you’re fabulous every day… Jesus Christ.    

Start with a Laugh Productions has launched a new kind of video web service with a ‘campy’ twist. At dailydragqueenaffirmations.com, subscribers receive a daily video of a man dressed up as a lady delivering a humorous, life-affirming message. This is apparently a new kind of service, basically an online version of the ‘antiquated’ ‘Page-A-Day’ calendars.    

“Some are hysterical and some are sound advice. We’re first and foremost providing affirmations,” Alex Dorn, one of the co-founders of Start with a Laugh Productions, said. “People buy it as a gift or as a personal pick me up. It makes us happy to know that our clients are smiling and feeling better every day.”    

Excuse me while I reach for the bucket. If I ever resort to enlisting drag queens to service me with life affirmations, please put me out of my misery.

CONGRATULATIONS MITZI!!!

I wanted to offer my personal congratulations to the fabulous Mitzi Macintosh, who is this year’s Hall of Fame recipient. Well overdue – she’s always been my favourite drag queen. 

PS – and how about Bill Hunter teaming up with Cindy Pastel at last week’s Helpmann Awards? She certainly made for an eye-catching date.

Garrett Bithell
Email me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

   

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