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 JUST DESSERTS
This little nugget of hilarity is courtesy of POPBITCH (popbitch.com )…
The American Family Association (or the American Fuckwit Association) is pressure group that polices the entertainment industry about anything they think disses ‘traditional family values’.
One of its bugbears is the appropriation of the word ‘gay’ by gays. So the AFA website has a policy of always replacing the work ‘gay’ with ‘homosexual’. I bet you can see where this is going…
Recently the AFA website had a piece about the Olympics, more specifically 100m star Tyson Gay. Its auto-correct function got to work:‘Tyson Homosexual was a blur in blue, sprinting 100 meters faster than anyone else has… “It means a lot to me,” the 25-year-old Homosexual said.
“I’m glad my body could do it, because now I know I have it in me.”
I love it when organisations like the AFA collapse under the weight of their own stupidity.
 GOLD FOR POODLE-CLIPPING?
Also from POPBITCH… Beijing may be a controversial choice to host the Olympics, but it won’t get close to Paris, in 1900, for sheer weirdness and eventfulness. Many of these disciplines didn’t make it to 1904, surprisingly.
1. Poodle-clipping: a farmer’s wife won the gold medal. She trimmed 17 poodles in two hours.
2. Pigeon shooting: on this occasion, there were live pigeons to be shot. 300 pigeons were let loose. Leon Lunden, from Belgium, was the winner, with 21 birds.
3. Rowing: adult coxes were replaced by children in the rowing events for some bizarre reason. These were probably the youngest ever contestants.
4. Women: for the first time women competitors took part. Charlotte Cooper was the first female Olympic champion, wining the tennis singles. However she was not the first gold medalist, as Olympic medals were not awarded to anyone until 1904.
5. Cricket: the Olympics cricket contest only had two teams in it – Britain and France. And the French team was largely filled with Brits from the embassy in Paris. Britain won. Cricket didn’t feature in the Olympics again.
6. Equestrian high and long jump: sounds like the best sport ever.
 THAT’S MY GRANNY!
Andrew Belonsky, editor of Queerty, recently had an impromptu ‘interview’ with his Grandma, Janet Webb (pictured), who is almost 85 years old. They had a frank chat about, among other things, gay marriage. Below is part of the transcript of their chat:
AB: So, what you think of gay marriage? Should two men be able to get married? Should two women be able to get married?
JW: Why not? If that’s their proclivity, why not? What they do with themselves is fine.
AB: What do you think about all the people who argue that they shouldn’t be?
JW: That they’re just trying to be assholes.
AB: What about me? When I was a kid, did you think I would grow up to be gay?
JW: No. I never gave it a thought.
AB: Really? Because I wasn’t very – boyish.
JW: No, you weren’t very boyish, but a lot of kids aren’t.
AB: What was I like as a kid?
JW: You were a delight. We loved you – your papa and I loved you – well, I still do, and he would if he were here, too. You’ve always been a thoughtful child, and man. Always. Even when you were little and we were at your house, you would always come and make sure we were okay and had everything. You always were.
AB: Is there anything in your life that you regret? Any one big regret?
JW: That it didn’t last long enough with your grandfather, that he was taken away from me too young. We had so much more to go. He didn’t get to know you kids like I do. I was laying in my bed the other night, and I was talking to him and I said, “I wish you could see this house, my little house – you’d love it. But there’s not enough room for you.” [Laughs] But you know that’s Papa’s humor; that’s the way we were. Oh yeah! Good luck at finding somebody for you to love like that.
AB: Yeah. I’m actually seeing somebody right now.
JW: Are you, darling?
AB: Yep.
JW: That’s good.
AB: I like him very much. He’s pretty cool. I like him.
JW: Being cool is not enough, honey.
AB: No, I mean – I can chill with him and we have fun. He’s a cool guy.
JW: God, I love you!
AB: I love you, too, Gran.
God I wish more people were like Janet… I almost shed a little tear reading this.
 NOT SO DEVINE
As Queerty reported, Ian McKellen doesn’t take anti-gay criticism well. Nor should he!
The famous actor spoke out this weekend against Scottish Bishop Joseph Devine, who this year blasted Queen Elizabeth for adding McKellen to the Order of Companions of Honour last year.
In his attack, Devine described gay activists, including McKellen, as “a giant conspiracy”, which “we [the catholic church] neglect at our peril.”
Getting a bit of oratory revenge, McKellen took the following shot at not-so-divine Devine: “From the pulpit, homophobia is preached by some arrogant religious leaders who think their beliefs are superior to our inborn and, some would say, God-given nature,” McKellen said.
“The Bishop of Motherwell addressed his flock and told them how appalled he was that I had received an honour and that 100 years ago I would have been imprisoned like Oscar Wilde. He feels that the Roman Catholic Church is beleaguered in some way.”
Out actor Simon Callow also lambasted Devine, calling him “a profoundly ignorant and stupid man”.
Not much to add really.
Garrett Bithell
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