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 WHAM BAM THANK YOU M’AM
This is hilarious. As reported by Yahoo!7 News, a man has been banned from visiting his girlfriend’s home in the UK because of their noisy sex sessions.
A court has banned 32-year-old Adam Hinton from being within 100 metres of 29-year-old Kerry Norris’ apartment after hearing complaints from the neighbours.
Residents had complained about thumping music, banging headboards, and screamed obscenties. They also said Norris ‘sunbathed’ naked in her backyard. Well if that isn’t the crime of the century, I don’t know what is!
An official said: “She’s a classic nightmare neighbour,” insisting the case was not about sex.
“It’s about allowing your neighbour to have a normal decent life without being disturbed.”
Norris had apparently ignored a previous court order demanding that she be more quiet.
I think the neighbours need to find a hobby – or, at the very least, get some sex themselves. That way they can all play the game: Who can make the most noise mid-coitus? Then it would really be a tick in every box.
 NEBULOUS GLOBAL TRENDS
In the August 14 issue of The Sydney Morning Herald, the ‘Essential’ lift-out listed the ‘Top 10 global trends’.
Ok, number 1? “Lesbian culture: Katy Perry’s ‘I Kissed A Girl’ tops British charts.
The day Katy Perry’s music reflects lesbian culture is the day I understand why that song topped any chart at all.
 REPUBLICAN DANCING QUEEN
In a recent article for Blender magazine, US presidential candidates Barack Obama and John McCain both listed their top 10 favourite songs, as follows:
Barack Obama's top 10:
1. Fugees - Ready Or Not
2. Marvin Gaye - What's Going On
3. Bruce Springsteen - I'm On Fire
4. The Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter
5. Nina Simone - Sinnerman
6. Kanye West - Touch The Sky
7. Frank Sinatra - You'd Be So Easy To Love
8. Aretha Franklin - Think
9. U2 - City of Blinding Lights
10. will.i.am - Yes We Can
John McCain's top 10:
1. ABBA - Dancing Queen
2. Roy Orbison - Blue Bayou
3. ABBA - Take A Chance On Me
4. Merle Haggard - If We Make It Through December
5. Dooley Wilson - As Time Goes By
6. The Beach Boys - Good Vibrations
7. Louis Armstrong - What A Wonderful World
8. Frank Sinatra - I've Got You Under My Skin
9. Neil Diamond - Sweet Caroline
10. The Platters - Smoke Gets In Your Eyes
Is anyone else slightly alarmed by McCain’s seemingly incongruous first choice? ABBA’s ‘Dancing Queen’?!!! I would have expected an all-American patriarchal-heterosexist ditty from some Nashville hick. But ABBA? And then ‘Take A Chance On Me’ at number 4 – as if one ABBA track wasn’t enough. Perhaps he wants to make sure we all know he’s either a closet case, has appalling taste in music, or both. In fact, as one blogger suggested, you get the feeling he’d have just gone with ten picks from ABBA Gold were he being truly honest.
Then again, there is something a bit focus group about Obama’s genre-spanning, tick-in-every-box list. At least McCain is horrifyingly honest – perhaps ‘Take A Chance On Me’ could be his next campaign slogan – or jingle? Although perhaps it’s not ‘American’ enough – being a member of the Republican party, coming across as multicultural and camp probably wouldn’t work in his favour.
 JABBA’S GAY UNCLE
It seems Star Wars is going queer, or more queer than usual, shall we say?
Dave Filoni, director of The Clone Wars, spoke to MTV Movies about a new character that is being touted as the first gay character of Star Wars, and apparently a favourite among the new film’s crew.
Says Filoni: “Ziro, Jabba's uncle, originally spoke in Hutt-ese, like Jabba, and then he had a different sluggish voice just like Jabba, and then George [Lucas] one day was watching it and said ‘I want him to sound like Truman Capote’. He actually said that and we were like ‘Wow!... He's of questionable [sexuality] at least as a slug. They tell me that these slugs can be either male or female depending. That's something I guess that slugs and snails do.”
Ok, Dave – whatever you say.
Garrett Bithell
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