|
 iPod PORN
This is hilarious. A press release titled ‘lingerie boutique launches erotica to your iPod’ found its way into my inbox a couple of weeks ago. Allow me to quote:
“The same lingerie boutique that brought you live models in their shop window this month are back with another provocative promotion: erotic podcasting. ‘Brandy’s Bookclub’ is a new web concept about to launched by the naughty Australian retail outfit, Honey Birdette. Casting local talent as the voice of Miss Brandy Fox, the Bookclub features some pretty exciting material that can be downloaded direct to your iPod.
“Enthusiasts will hear Brandy read some of the world’s most tantalising tales, which range from the sweetly sensual to the candidly carnal. So whether you listen to you iPod at the gym, in the bath, or on the way to work, you’ll be guaranteed a good time, and of course no one will know.”
I’m certainly not convinced that ‘no one will know’ – the number of times I have been unwittingly subjected to a selection of Britney’s greatest hits by some toxic blonde from the ’burbs adjacent to me on the train with an iPod (thank god it’s only three stops) is significant to say the least. The level of volume at which many commuters play their iPod is certainly not conducive to discretion, let’s just say.
Can you imagine that moment of striking horror (or hilarity) when you realise the middle-aged roomy brunette with the bowl cut and orthopedic shoes next to you is leaking into her pants listening to some high-brow erotic recording?! Good morning!
I’m open-minded about most things, but discovering the slapper next to you with the fake tan and ‘Louis Vuitton’ bag, dressed in her best Supre jeans, is into golden showers and nipple clamps is unsettling to say the least – especially at 7.30 in the morning.
And get this – one of Honey Birdette’s top sellers? ‘Zatfig’ – the first erotica collection celebrating the sexuality of voluptuous women; a full-bodied volume (don’t do it, Garrett – fat jokes are unkind), filled with surprising, steamy stories showcasing the sex lives of women of size and their admirers.’
Oh my.
 SLIPS OF THE PEN
I literally threw my hands up in despair when I read the letters page last week. For those of you who missed it, have a read of these pearls of wisdom:
“There are too many straights in the gay community. There seems to be more of them than gay men. No wonder gay men want to get married, play happy families and live double lives – there is nothing else for us.
“I have been pushing for single-sex venues for years, to no avail. There is no choice here. We should never have to share our social life with the mainstream. It is wrong, immoral and unethical.”
Then the clincher: “We need a new gay revolution.”
Them’s fighting words. ‘Unethical’? ‘Immoral’? Huh?! You know, sometimes it utterly baffles me why, in 2008, we are still fighting for equality, for marriage, for legal rights – why homophobia still exists to such a great extent. And then I read comments like this and it all makes horrifying sense – comments from these emasculated bundles of insecurity.
How can we expect others to view us as equals when so many of us are still so ashamed? These people who only feel comfortable expressing their sexuality around other gay men – they take us back 30 years.
 DEMOGRAPHIC DELUSION
As Queerty remarked, director Rick Stout brings the right-wing movement into uncharted territory with his new flick, Demographic Winter, which firmly points the finger at gays, feminists and lefties for the declining population rates. Because, you know, we threaten marriage and there can be no babies without marriage.
Says one interview subject: “Now we have 40 years of social science that makes it absolutely clear that the deterioration of marriage and the encouragement of sexuality outside of marriage is just not good for society.”
Though the trailer for the movie doesn’t spell out any clear answers, surprisingly, the screen does flash this ominous query: ‘What if the solutions were clear to academia, but weren’t politically correct?’
That sounds a little too social-cleansing-project for my liking. Not to mention homophobic, gravely misleading and hysterical.
 CELL-BLOCK WEDDINGS
Apparently, gay prison inmates in California will soon be able to marry their non-imprisoned partners. I suppose the obvious joke is now they can get a ball and chain of a different kind to what they’re perhaps used to...
Thank you, I’m here all week!
Garrett Bithell
Email me at
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
 |
Opinion 
Subscribe to this comment's feed