 FIELD DAY ADVENTURESWell, New Year’s Day saw me brave Field Day at the Domain, and while I had a blast, I thought I’d raise a few glaring issues:  FAKE TAN
Without question, it should be illegal. Why anyone would actively take steps to resemble a citrus fruit is absolutely beyond me. Plus, you’re out in the sun all day, and we all know (or maybe we don’t) what fake tan plus sweat equals... Streaks! So instead of exuding a healthy summer glow, many Field Day patrons just looked like they were suffering from a bad case of jaundice.
MUSIC
Now, while I understand that almost everyone at Field Day was so high they would’ve danced to Andrea Bocelli, a Gregorian chant or the sound of their own ring tone, the array of DJs and live acts on offer was generally superb. Santogold, A-Trak and surprise guest Calvin Harris were fantastic. TOILETS
Thankfully, I had a VIP ticket so could access the toilets in the VIP area, but I did at one stage brave the toilets of the great unwashed – or ‘Portaloos’ as they’re affectionately called. I think I would rather walk through radioactive waste. People were complaining about the length of the queues for the Portaloos, but that wasn’t anywhere near as confronting as what awaited you inside. But that’s a case with any festival really, and more a comment on the patrons than the organisers.  MEDICAL ASSISTANCE
Now I have to admire the organisers’ sense of humour. In every Portaloo, there was a big A4 laminated sign that stated: ‘If you are feeling unwell please visit our onsite Medical Centre, located across from the Killer Stage...’ Hilarious at the time.
WHISTLES AND/OR HORNS
These items should plainly not be allowed. I can think of few things more annoying than some adjacent reveller blowing madly into a horn during every track, usually tragically out of time. To the guy whose horn I snatched and broke in half, I hope you’ve learnt your lesson. (I joke, I didn’t do that. But man was I close.)  KNOWING YOUR LIMIT
There’s sometimes a fine line between ecstasy and sitting down cross-legged gasping for breath while simultaneously chewing the inside of your mouth off. Some people, particularly young girls, are yet to learn this lesson. Honourable mentions go to the gents I spotted hurling into the wheelie bins with what can only be described as gay abandon. But when I say ‘spotted’, it wasn’t exactly hard to see them – they were right out in the open, in full view. The only way they could have given their digestive backlashes more exposure is if they chundered on stage. Better out than in I suppose.
SUNBLOCK
An essential – ask Reg. Garrett Bithell Email me at
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