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CAN SHE TALK
This week’s Oscars were a little lacklustre I thought. There were no red-carpet disasters (if you don’t count the curiously orange Richard Wilkins) and I hadn’t seen most of the nominated pictures.
But it struck me just what was missing after it was over – Joan Rivers.
Joan is a brilliant Oscars terrorist and she must have been squirming on her couch at home, choking on all those unflung insults.
As a consolation prize, of sorts, she delivered some home truths in the latest issue of Out magazine. Here are a few:
“Fag hag and fruit fly are perfectly acceptable terms. Especially for Katie Holmes.”
“Here’s a gay obsession I’ll never understand: fisting. Do you know how hard it is to clean shit off a charm bracelet?”
“Gay men aren’t always on the mark about fashion. Never again will I attend an Iranian cocktail party wearing a fishnet burkha.”
“If you’re going to wear ass-less chaps, then shave your ass. How many more times do I have to say this to the lesbian community?”
FRESH HELL
I’ve often wondered, how do you ascertain ‘emotional distress’ and how much is it worth?
A recent news story on 365Gay.com raises this issue. A Tennessee man is seeking US$4 million in damages after his daughter opened mail that contained gay pornography.
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The lawsuit claims that the mailing was ‘unsolicited’ and that his 12-year old daughter opened the envelope that said on the outside ‘free DVD’ thinking it was from the Disney Corp.
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Instead, the envelope contained the DVD, Titan Men’s Farm Fresh, and promotional material for a gay adult magazine.”
Shocking, sure, but $4 million seems an arbitrary amount. How do they justify it? Well, ‘Mary Doe’, as she’s been dubbed, can barely function.
She is now suffering from “great pain of body and mind and emotional stress, including shock, horror, humiliation and embarrassment as well as anxiety,” according to the lawsuit.
Sheesh, lucky it wasn’t a mail-out for Treasure Island Media.
SWEDES SOUR
I guess when you carry the title ‘chief heraldist’ you can be forgiven for getting a little snooty on occasion. Well, Sweden’s heraldists are in an uproar after the Nordic Battlegroup removed a lion’s penis from their coat of arms.
According to Englis-language paper, The Local, the decision to neuter the animal was made without consultation. “They stepped over the line when they made alterations to the badge without consulting us. It was a clear breach of copyright,” state heraldist Henrik Klackenberg said.
Although it was originally claimed that complaints from female soldiers prompted the chop, but it was later revealed to be the work of the Battlegroup’s commander. In any case, heraldic artist Vladimir A Sagerlund isn’t happy, noting that in former times, coats of arms containing lions without genitalia were given to those who betrayed the Swedish Crown. His colleague also decries the drastic nature of the censorship:
“We could make the dimensions a bit smaller, for example. Once we were commissioned to create a similar symbol for Swedish Customs. When they thought it was a bit much they sent it back to us and we just shrank the organ.”
OH, THE MANATEE!
Bears have had a good run lately. They have their own bear band, magazine, sundry websites and have been featured in The New York Times. Well, it seems another species is poised to steal their headlines – manatees.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports that the Florida Marlins baseball team is holding auditions for a male cheerleading troupe of “footloose fat men.
The National League team is creating an all-male, plus-size cheerleading squad to be dubbed the Manatees”.
A manatee, much like a dugong, isn’t the most graceful of creatures. As the paper notes, they “often get caught in boat propellers”. Still, with the burgeoning waistlines of so many Americans, it’s a wise choice.
ORIGINAL CINDY
I received the following email this week and thought I should share.
“This Saturday as we celebrate our 30th Mardi Gras, a Sydney drag legend will say her final farewell and take a bow on the RHI stage one last time.
I was told this news quietly over breakfast by Ritchie last weekend and could not keep it to myself.
“Cindy Pastel, the inspiration for the movie and subsequent stage show The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, star of numerous incredible Mardi Gras, Sleaze Ball, Bacchanalia, Rat and Sweatbox parties, DIVA Hall of Fame recipient, DIVA entertainer of the year winner, the first drag queen to perform at The Sydney Opera House in Richard Wherrett’s production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and Albury Hotel legend.
“The show in the RHI is a continuing piece of Sydney’s drag history for so many reasons, when you are cheering for all the fabulous performers on stage, keep in mind that it is possibly the last time you will marvel at the unique genius that is Cindy Pastel.”
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