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Vintage Lesbians
Recently my attention was drawn to a site called menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com. Some of you may be lucky enough to have already discovered this delight, if not go there now. It’s quite something isn’t it?
I first came across this site through the wonderful magazine, Girls Like Us. The list of men who look like old lesbians includes Tony Curtis, Paul McCartney and Oscar Wilde. There is also Stephen King, Robert Redford, Warren Beatty, Tim Robbins, Ricky Gervais, Jon Bon Jovi, Neil Finn and a very convincing John Denver, who I have to say could be easily mistaken for Martina Navratilova.
Since my introduction to this phenomenon I have taken my gaze away from the computer screen and had a little look at reality, and now I can’t look at any man without gauging how much of an old lesbian he looks like – and the shocking discovery is that any man can look like one.Straight men, gay men, young men and old men all have old lesbian potential.
I have already compiled a short list of my own: Andrew Denton, Red Symons and Kevin Rudd.
There is some theory behind why these men can achieve this look so credibly. The mind behind MWLLOL attributes it to men who have had ‘eye work’ and I think one look at the man responsible for one of the most famous drag performances in history, Mr Curtis in Some Like It Hot, and there is no doubting that any man wanting to avoid the old lesbian look should let his eyes age gracefully.
However is it already too late?
I’m afraid by the time I am an old lesbian the number of old men who look like old lesbians will have increased to the point where we will all look like old lesbians. The widespread abuse of men’s facial products is surely to blame.
My grandmother’s two best friends were Cliffy and Alan, two drag queens who had moisturised any masculinity out of their face by 1975 by way of Oil of Ulan. Had they been alive to day they would have surely been dubbed the pioneers of men who look like old lesbians and they would no doubt have welcomed the world of men’s products too, which are no different to women’s products in that both will achieve the resounding feature of the man who looks like an old dyke, which is a soft almost doughy complexion with just a hint of masculinity. With skin care regimes now employed not just by gay men but by straight men too the only men who will not look like old lesbians are bears. However it would not surprise me that once that beard is shaved off, voila, old lesbian!
The unfortunate thing about all of this is that no-one wants to look like an old lesbian, not even lesbians, but men are not going to give up cleansing, toning and moisturising in the near future, not when it’s so easy to ignore the after effects. The problem is it’s working for them now and today’s world is all about the ‘now’.
A world of men who look like old lesbians – there is no stopping it.
Maybe this was the real old lesbians plan all along – a world of people who look like ageing female tennis players. Kathmandu clothing voucher anyone?
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