Opinion | Hard Driver |
| Wednesday, 24 September 2008 20:16 |
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STRAIGHT DICKS Something curious happened the other day at a Surry Hills cafe – while preoccupied with emails and other bits I’d been writing for the paper, a straight-ish looking guy locked eyes with me, grabbed his crotch and mumbled: “Suck my dick, faggot!” And while the pink triangle in the window didn’t escape my attention, the thing that occurred to me most was that I hadn’t shown any interest in him. Unfortunately, this occurring on Oxford Street comes as no surprise these days, but this was the third time something similar had happened in a matter of weeks. Not so much like the coffee-shop episode – but who are these random schmucks inferring I wanna get into their pants, without me having expressed a modicum of interest in them? The other incidents involve said guys (in queer venues, no less) assuring me: “You’re a top bloke, but sorry I’m straight.” Huh? Sorry? What for, I wondered. Seems I also seek some unspoken stamp of approval and don’t realise it ... so perhaps I should instead just be grateful I’m a “top bloke”. But I have to wonder – what gives with the sheer arrogance of certain straight males assuming all gay men want to have sex with them? Grubby little jibes like “suck my dick” seem commonly intended as pseudo-erotic derisions. But here’s a tip fellas – have you stopped to think we mightn’t even be into you, let alone care to allow any part of your person near us? I suppose if it were a particularly nice wanger and you didn’t look like a hat full of assholes out on parole, I might give it some thought. But I must have missed the historic day when being gay meant we became a bunch of pervy desperados with nothing better to do than suck-off straight men. While these Casanovas seem pretty adept in the business of self-flattery, I can’t help but question if this might be sexual curiosity at play – and if they somehow consider these remarks enticing or sexy. Yet interestingly, it’s usually guys like this who like nothing more than leering at some girl-on-girl action. Most straight guys will tell you that’s hot (and kinder on the hetero-male ego, I’m guessing). But men having sex with each other? That’s just gross dude! I should say though; I don’t mean to tar all straight men with the same brush. There are plenty of decent hetero guys about. You might have heard Brad Pitt recently donated $US 100,000 to the campaign against the bid to ban gay marriage in California. So not only is he kind on the eye, but he has to go and do something sweet to boot. Now that’s sexy! And here I am realising this without so much as laying eyes on the Pitt dick. Damien Stephens This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
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