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YOUTH ME AND ABYOUTH ME
I think we knew the Olympics were coming because we gave a shit but I’m not sure we have any idea of the magnitude of World Catholic Youth Day and how we are going to be affected. Are you getting out of town?
Are you attending any events over the few days when thousands of enthusiastic, guitar-strumming, saint-loving worshippers hit Sydney?
Last week we were joking about Big Bingay being on the night before the mass mess at the racecourse. I was kidding when I suggested we might have a problem due to people attending holy-roller happenings and this week sees Big Bingay cancelled due to a lack of response. Our queerway is becoming a clearway to transport attendees with speed. Paddo RSL said we were the last function to cancel but don’t fret. We’ve only moved Big Bingay and we’re having a new theme we’ve wanted to do for a while now. On Friday, August 1, we’re having Big Game Big Bingay (try saying that 10 times). Naomi and I might be coming as Tarz-Anne and John or I could wear a tasteful beige polyester safari suit with a noice pith helmet and Naomi can be Clarence the cross-eyed lion, or we could come as red-faced members of a lost tribe, freaked out on beetle nuts as the metal bird in the sky swoops – so many possibilities.
So are you getting out of town or will you stay and enjoy the bi-product of WYD08-youth? The great thing about the Catholics is the flexibility of their belief. As a kid I understood that we (being the Pentecostal, speaking in tongues, praise the Lorders type) were far more committed than those Catholics. They could smoke, we couldn’t. They could gamble, we couldn’t.
And if they sinned up a storm they’d just pop into the confessional and say a few hundred hail Marys and it’s fine, so I’m thinking some Catholic youths might want to experience our worshipping rituals.
Perhaps they’ll receive the body of Chris at Bodyline.
Try playing spot the Catholic at Stonewall on a Wednesday night or maybe they’ll want to take part in the Gay 12 stations of the crass. Our confessionals have porcelain alters. You can kneel and pray (and say a few Hail Fairys) at the Church of Town Hall Station, Museum Station, Central Station and many attend midnight mass at St James (just remember to wipe the mass of your knees after you’re done).
So how will you know if you’re taking come-union with a God botherer?
Well the church has given us a youthful tip, making it easier for us (and the paedophile convention being held the same week): coloured backpacks. Schoolchildren have been packing 300,000 brightly coloured backpacks with goodies so when you see a WYD08 backpack under a toilet door you know you’re doing your bit, catholicking and swallowing, Halle-loo-yah. Only 12 gays to blow.
“You will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you” Acts 1-8
Mitzi Macintosh
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