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David Knox comes on down for a cavalcade of the weird and wonderful.
New Aussie drama, worthy SBS docos, flag-waving queer television … you lot can all come back next week. This week I want to turn my attention to that bastion of light entertainment: the Channel Seven variety hour, aka It Takes Two/Dancing with the Stars/Australia’s Got Talent.
No matter what TV Week Logie categories say, I still can’t get used to the fact these are branded as ‘Reality’. C’mon, it’s variety with a 55c SMS.
Now that warbling ‘celebrities’ have finished singing off-key, it’s safe to come back to Tuesdays (loyal All Saints fans have never been happier). And while Seven figures out Daryl Somers’ replacement, they’re hauling out another season of Australia’s Got Talent.
You remember this show, right? While the UK has uncovered an operatic phone salesman, we got some gum-leaf blower and a kid who could have wandered off the set of My Kid’s A Star. How the hell that happened when Red Symons was a judge I know not.
This year’s variety mash-ups include a perky kid who plays the piano accordion, a dodgy Abba trio (yes, trio), some mug who balances chairs (why?) and an old bloke who gives Symons as good as he gets. There’s also a guy who sings like Farnsy and a 16-year-old kid who plays a mean guitar. Hmmm. Maybe we do have talent …
Staged aptly in the historic National Theatre in St Kilda, it’s like a giant throwback to vaudeville. The audience, many of whom may have wandered out of the local Tabaret, have a right old time. In fairness, there’s a lot of you-had-to-be-there atmosphere, which doesn’t always translate via TV. Host Grant Denyer hovers in the wings interjecting with lots of wisecracks, laughs and enthusiasm. Sorta Ant without Dec.
But shows like AGT can take a sharp turn, and watch judge Dannii Minogue melt with the appearance of a strapping young woodchopper (well, the sign did say AUSTRALIA’s Got Talent, right?). He slices a stump of wood in just 20 seconds leaving Dannii flushed with pheremones.
And who can blame her? He’s gorgeous, and completely unfazed by the attention. For a minute there I thought even Tom Burlinson was about to turn. You’ll just have to tune in to hear the double entendres involving the words ‘wood’ and ‘axe’.
Folks, it’s a priceless moment in television. Almost enough to make me spend 55c and tune in again. Almost.
Australia’s Got Talent premieres 7:30pm Tuesday on Seven.
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